Life

Life...

I've been meaning to write this post for quite some time but honestly...  it's a pretty intimidating one to write.  So I did what lots of normal people do.  I procrastinated.  But lately, things keep happening that urge me to write this...  And over the last year of my life, this lesson has surrounded me.  It's the kind of lesson only maturity and difficulty in life can teach.

There are no promises in life.  You can't take a single person, moment in life or relationship with a loved one for granted.  

When we're young, we assume our parents will always be there.  We see them as these strong and invincible pillars of our life.  Then, we watch them age and in my case...  I watched my dad wither away battling a nasty disease until finally, the disease won and my dad was gone.

We have best friends...   You look at your best friend and you think this person is going to be my friend when I'm old and gray.  She'll always be there for me.  She'll always have my back.  You think you'll raise heck in the nursing home together.  You think the friendship is unbreakable.  But...  life happens.  sometimes you grow apart or you go to different schools or move to different parts of the country or maybe an argument tears you apart but it happens.

We have boyfriends and girlfriends.  We think they are the love of our life but they turn out to be someone on the road to someone else.  We get married.  We hold hands and we promise to love each other until 'death do us part' but sometimes...  the death referred to is the death of the relationship.

When we're younger, we never think of our own mortality.  We think we'll always be whole and healthy until we grow old enough or mature enough to realize that our bodies are breakable.  Our knees aren't as strong as they once were or our eyesight begins to fade.  And we know...  we're getting older.

I think one of the times in life that this lesson came into sharp focus was when I was pregnant after Aidan.  I took for granted that being pregnant automatically meant I was going to have a baby.  Only...  I didn't get to the baby part.  That sweet little life force that I was so excited to meet and hold never got to be born.  I miscarried...  Then, I miscarried again.  Those losses made my pregnancy with Devin so much more precious.  When I finally got to hold her it was the most magical moment.  I knew how precious her life was.  How precious life is for all of us. If only I could ALWAYS carry that feeling....  but like most people I eased back into the routine of life, the routine of taking life for granted until the next time life shakes me up and once again reminds me that life is precious and needs to cherished.

Gia did that for me.

Gianna's parents are one of my favorite couples.  Michelle and Will came to meet me and I adored them from the start.  Will was talking of his new job adventure.  They were moving to England right after the wedding and they'd start their life together there.  Michelle beamed at him as he talked.  They are the kind of couple you always want to be around.  There's lots of laughter.  On a visit home, I got to sit with Michelle for a bit.  We talked of how they wanted to started a family.  When I told her she was sitting on a couch that had been sat on by many former brides who morphed into expectant moms, Michelle wiggled her behind into the couch and said "C'mon couch!"  We laughed so hard!

A short time later, I got a simple email that said only "The couch worked."  More happy laughter!  Then I heard that sweet Gia was born.  By this time, the family was in Atlanta so not everyone got to meet her.  But I did.  On a visit home for Christmas, we took some wonderful photos of this absolutely darling baby girl.  I teased Will about being wrapped around such a tiny finger.  I loved watching Michelle giggle with her baby girl.  I got to hold her and play with her and Andy got to do his favorite baby activity, rub her sweet little feet.  It was Christmastime and I was so busy, I forgot to blog about our session.  I kept meaning to but just never seemed to do it.  It stayed on my to do list for months...

About six months later, I was told that Gia had passed away.  I went to the funeral home and did all I know how to do.  I gave big hugs.  Since then, Michelle and I have emailed a few times.   We've talked about how hard it is and that there really are not words that work at a time like this.  One of the things Michelle said that has really stuck with me is that people don't talk about Gia anymore.  Out of fear of causing more pain, people stopped talking about this little person who brought so much JOY in her short life.  I told Michelle I was kind of guilty of that.  I still wanted to blog about her but wasn't sure it was the right thing to do.  She told me "You are welcome to blog about her, as I know she has affected your life as well and I know you'll be honorable."  But, out of fear of not doing it right, I procrastinated.


Then, yesterday, a very dear woman I love very very much had a really difficult surgery (the surgery went as well as can be expected) and it all came into focus for me.  There are no promises in life.  You can't take a single person, moment in life or relationship with a loved one for granted.   It's difficult to live that way every day but today at least....  Try.  Honor Gia.  Honor the people you've loved and lost.

Tell the people you love just how very much you love them.  Reach out to heal a wounded relationship (even if it means risking rejection).  Love someone just as they are...  even if you can't have a relationship with them.  Forgive an old would because you are a warm and loving person.  Recognize your own imperfections and love yourself anyway as you work to fix them, to become a better you.   Then tonight as you lay down to sleep, make a mental note to try and do it all again tomorrow.  Who knows...  Maybe we can all make it a habit.

Just listen to what Michelle said to me in one of our emails ...  "Without our families and love we are nothing and have nothing. Life is love love love.  When I ask myself "why?" "why this existence?", "why are we born just to die later and be forgotten?", the only answer I can think of is love. To bring love into this world is the only original thing any of us can do. This is our purpose. "  Michelle, I couldn't have said it better.  


What touches my heart most of all is that Michelle wrote this to me when Andy and I were preparing to renew our vows.  She had no way of knowing what life held in store for her but her words were prophetic.  Take a moment to really think about that.  I get goose bumps every single time....  


Michelle, much love to you and Will always!!!  And I pray that I was honorable and did your beautiful baby girl justice.