dk photographic

Long post but hopefully...  worth the time.

First, when you read this...  It's not about photography.  It's about Donna...  not dk.  And there is a difference--not crazy, multiple personalities kind of difference but a public person vs. your private self kind of difference.  Sometimes, I think cameras are magic.  With my camera, I am (pardon the pun) the picture of confidence.  I'm in control, blissfully happy & capable of darn near anything.  Without it...  well, I'm a very real woman with doubts & fears & a muffin top to deal with.  So, read on and get to know the girl behind the camera a little better.

Have you ever taken a long trip by yourself?  You pack your bags and load the car.  You have someplace to be.  You drive along the road.   You notice things along the way but you aren't really soaking up the scenery.  You're thinking only about the destination.  As in every journey, you have to stop for gas at some point.  You take a look around and realize somewhere along the line, you missed a turn.  You're a little bummed because it will take you a while to get back where you need to be but you hop back in that car and turn in the right direction.   You suddenly notice the scenery.  It's beautiful.  The sun is warm on your face.  The radio is playing a favorite song.  The windows are down & the wind is blowing your hair around.  You have a little moment where you realize the old adage is true....  

Well, that little story is kind of the story of my life right now.  I've been going along.  Life is good.  I like the view but at the same time, I've realized that I am not on the path I really want to be on.  I have things I really need to work on.  I know you know what I mean.  

It occurred to me that I haven't had a haircut since December of 2009.  Really?  I know.  It's horrifying.  I realized that going that long without a haircut was part of a bigger picture.  I have also stopped shopping for myself, stopped working out and worst of all... I gained back a lot of the weight I worked so hard to lose.  Not good. 

I started wondering what had happened to me when I had a true AHA moment---a lesson I hope I carry with me until I am old and very wrinkly.  We've all been hurt by someone.  I'm no exception.  But...  with this last blow to my heart, I let their actions & opinions determine my overall self-worth.  Big mistake.  My friends have made choices that have left me feeling pretty worthless to them.  Oh...  I fought it.    At every turn, I tried to make them see the error of their ways.  I kept standing up for myself and no matter what I said and no matter what I did....  The opinions they held that made me feel so worthless didn't change.  And you know what...  I don't think those opinions are ever going to change.  That has been the most difficult thing to accept.

Now...  With a little distance, it seems so obvious to say that my value to others does not determine my real value as a person.  But hindsight really is 20/20 and going through it, I didn't see it.  Not being valued the way I wanted to be really broke me.  

But on this special day...  I stumbled upon this little phrase....

and I knew it was true.  This....simple, sweet, wonderful little phrase woke me up from the nightmare land of worthlessness.  Whether they value me the way I want...  Whether potential clients think I'm the most talented or the least...  Whether I'm skinny or I have a muffin top...  

I am a rock star and so are you.

XOXO

Donna

PS...  It took every ounce of self control to NOT write "I am a rock star from Mars."